Rubinology Wife Facts

Fact #1: Your wife will tell you that select items that you own should be disposed of. Often these are your most prized possessions (even though most other people would think of them as being innocuous). Even if they aren't that particularly prized, the fact that your wife wants them in the garbage is enough to make them grow in importance in your life.

Please note this item that I own:

It is a beautifully polished silver night stand reading lamp with a sturdy base and frosted glass shade; an item the Czarina perhaps would have welcomed by her bedside.

My wife's objection to it is that I angle it sometimes so that the light is in her face and the cord is kind-a loose.
Is that a reason to be rid of it however? She believes so!

On the other hand since we have been together she has been accompanied by the following vile receptacle:

'He' presides besides her computer wherever she goes. He even has a mysterious Spot of Doom that never disappears. Whenever I throw something away into his bowels or need to replace his bag I hold my breath and open his jaws save I pass out from the antediluvian bacterial residue.

However I would never - no never! - ask my wife to part with it for I know that it is her personal guardian and confidant, or maybe the source of her evil powers.


Erica said...

1. That lamp is an ugly piece of shit and probably a fire hazzard too seeing as how one often needs to give it a little tap after turning it on in order to actually get some light.

2. I've offered to throw the disgusting garbage can away dozens of times and I was told not to because it's "just a garbage can" and that "it works just fine!"

Erica said...

3. The garbage can doesn't stink either since the only things in it are HIS DIRTY KLEENEXES THAT HE LEAVES ON MY DESK and old junk mail.