Rubinology Contractors

"How does gifting work in the Rubinology world?" you may ask.

First, mommy comes up with the idea of getting baby boy an 89 lb wooden play kitchen that comes in 500 odd parts. (By comparison, he being 24 lbs and I being 185, I should get a gift that's 686 lbs.)

Next, we had to find an investor for the project. Grandma, Inc., was the venture capitalist that paid for said insane-o mega-gift as daddy was too damned stinkin' cheap to get such a zany thing.

But last....ah last....whilst everyone sleeps after a long hot sweaty August day, who schleps the thing in from the porch in its tomb-like box and takes four hours to assemble it? It's time for Rubinology Toy Contractors of course.

Let's take a look at the real work here. We start with the raw materials that when spread out through the dining and living rooms sort of resembled this:

Next we open the instructions. Interesting to note that there is NO TEXT - only images with arrows and letters. Here are two actual examples that I dealt with at 2 am (click on the images to see close-ups of the cacaphonic bullcrap I was wading through at the wee hours of the night):

Well, this of course was all done by a loving father who only hours before was told by his two year old (for whom this mind-bending toil was being wrought) to get off the couch because he was sitting too close to him (meaning anywhere within the local or regional vicinity).

Now, at 3:50 am, it is done:

I like the way the instructions read "Some adult assembly required." "SOME"???? "ADULT"???? If by 'some' they mean 3+ hours of sorting tiny screws and sifting through a box-load of white, oblong particle board, lining up all the parts, discarding mountains of packing materials that ranged from cardboard and styrophome to that weird translucent wrap with tape on it, dissecting intricate directions, balancing child-sized faux kitchen parts whilst trying to screw them together in an oh-so particular way as the manual sort of visually foretells, then YES, 'SOME assembly required."

If by 'adult' they mean my 2 year old doesn't have the patience nor manual dexterity and requisite technique to accomplish a task such as this, then they either have brilliant insight or maybe consulted with a pediatrician. This of course was after they finished the manual so it was too late then either way - what could they do? Dumb it down for toddlers and reprint the damned thing? Nah....

And here I am, burnt to a crisp at FOUR am, blogging about this....all I gotta say is that I hope this kitchen thing inspires my kid to grow up to be a chef - then I'll get something from HIM to eat for a change!


Erica said...

BUT, your son is already in love with it and played with it for a full hour before he even had breakfast! And when he was done with breakfast he played with it for another hour! He's taking a break right now but I know he'll be back to it soon...and when you get up this afternoon he'll make you the best plastic fruit and vegetable platter you've ever tasted :-)

stefplus3 said...

I tried to warn Erica about the "extensive" assembly time, lol! We have the same one (but pink of course) and it was quite the process over here too.

Stephanie said...

Did you buy said kitchenette at IKEA? The instructions look like so. We purchased our dresser there and let me tell you - nothing teaches you how to put together random pieces better than instructions with NO WORDS! Totally helpful! And by helpful, I mean a complete pain in the ass.